Confessions of a Southern Gentleman
by KLMeri
Summary: Leonard is determined to help his friend out in the matters of love, except he does not realize he might be part of that matter in some way. K/S/M. - COMPLETE
1. Part One

**Title**: Confessions of a Southern Gentleman (1/2)  
**Author**: klmeri  
**Fandom**: Star Trek AOS  
**Pairing**: Kirk/Spock/McCoy  
**Summary**: Leonard is determined to help his friend out in the matters of love, except he does not realize he might be part of that matter in some way.  
**A/N**: If you think I ever tire of figuring out how mcspirk happens, you would be wrong.

* * *

In Leonard's experience, it is easy to fall in love and easier yet to fall out of love. He has done it many times, meeting someone he thinks would be 'the one' (which typically ended with disastrous results). Since he is the common factor in those failed relationships, he figures he is to blame. He tells himself sternly, _no more failures, Leonard_; that means no more relationships.

It means no more falling in love.

Leonard is confident that he can keep his promise until, of all things, he meets Jim.

* * *

Jim Kirk is a funny man; brash, too, and awkward sometimes. He is more than a little careless when he should be careful and careful when everyone else decides to be carefree. In short, Leonard considers him a conundrum.

One day the conundrum says, "Where are we going, Bones?"

Leonard, who has long since given up minding that awful nickname, has no idea what his friend means.

"Our lives," Jim amends from where he is hanging upside down off the end of the couch, the tips of his hair ghosting the floor. "Where do you think our lives are headed?"

"Space," replies Leonard, and that word sets him to grousing. "Into the deadliest frontier Man has encountered, and what's our wanderlust going to buy us? Death, Jim—death!"

"I see that your glass is always half-empty," his friend decides, amused. Jim then turns right-side up and runs his fingers through his hair. "I meant what's waiting in our future, Bones?" At Leonard's flat look, the man rolls his eyes. "Okay, okay, _death_. I get that. Surprise! Everybody dies. But I want to know what will happen before that part." The look he gives Leonard is very strange. "Do you think we'll still be together?"

Leonard contemplates the question, though it seems to him that _together_ is a loose and admittedly odd turn of phrase for Jim to use. "Well, if you aren't tossed out on your ass within the first month of shipside service and I somehow safely make it onto a ship, we'll probably meet again in the years to come. So yeah... I would definitely think so."

_I would hope so, kid, because I like you a lot. _ Strange, that he wants to keep that particular thought to himself.

Jim lowers his body from the couch to the floor and scoots closer to the coffee table at which Leonard has stationed himself for the duration of a long study session. "There's a way to be certain. I could make you chief medical officer of my starship."

Leonard can't help but snort. "_Your_ starship, Jim? Pray tell... just how quickly are you going to get one of those? A decade from now? Two decades?"

Jim bends a knee and props his chin on it, his reply good-natured. "Go ahead, laugh at a man's dreams. But you'll see."

Leonard decides there isn't a point in arguing. In a way, he realizes as he forces his attention back to the medical text on his data padd, he wants Jim's ambitions to see fruition.

Why he wants that is something he will ponder later.

That 'later', of course, is the moment Leonard McCoy discovers the motivation behind his thinking and accepts what cannot be denied with both a smile and a curse.

His falling in love with Jim has begun quietly.

* * *

The problem with loving somebody and actively deciding to do nothing about it is that it fills you with regret in the end. Leonard learns this by watching Jim take a liking to someone else. That liking inevitably blossoms into something stronger.

Worse yet, the one whom Jim likes is completely oblivious to said interest.

Leonard has to do something about this. He knows Jim is not someone who finds it easy to love (as Leonard does), and so Leonard cannot bear to watch that love encounter rejection.

But how to approach a subject like that with a Vulcan?

Leonard racks his brain over a solution for days. He takes to following Spock around so he can study Spock's behavior outside of their normal bickering. He even plants himself just within range of that stupidly oversized personal space bubble of the Vulcan's during their mutual lunch hour in order to lure Spock into an innocuous conversation about the Vulcan perspective on dating among officers. "_After all_," he points out, "_you've done it yourself._"

Spock makes no mention of Leonard's sudden, unusual need to be near his person or the odd topic of conversation.

But Leonard's friends certainly do.

"Are you in love with Spock?" Christine asks him point-blank one day. "I see," she hmms a moment later, as if Leonard choking on his coffee is an answer, and walks away.

At the start of one alpha shift, the Chief Communications Officer enters the turbolift Leonard is already occupying and remarks too casually, "I could give you some tips."

Leonard, who isn't a morning person by any means and is fighting off the last of his sleepiness, looks at her through bleary eyes. "Huh?"

"Tips on Spock," she clarifies.

Now Leonard is really lost. "I'm not sure I understand you, Nyota."

"Leonard, you're not being very subtle about your interest in him."

His face heats up of its own accord. "What? You've got it wrong! I don't like him any better than I did a year ago."

Nyota's expression is full of pity; her rebuff of _I know a lie when I hear one_, unspoken. The remainder of the ride to Sickbay is uncomfortable for Leonard as he tries to change the subject, and she stays stubbornly silent.

Despite these incidents, Leonard does not realize he may be causing a stir among the more observant crew members until Jim haltingly starts to question Leonard's interest in Spock. They are part of the way through the main course of their weekly shared dinner, and it's an unwelcome turn to an otherwise amiable conversation.

"He's... interesting... isn't he, Bones? Have you, um, been successful?"

This time Leonard places his drink aside to avoid choking and pretends he is not imagining himself sinking through the floor. It is a small boon, though, that Jim doesn't look entirely certain of the matter as Chapel and Uhura had. In fact, Jim's expression hints that he may not be okay with knowing the details he asked for.

Leonard does his best to salvage the situation by mentioning a prospective joint project between Medical and Science which he hopes will prompt Jim to conclude the interest in Spock is professional and not out of the ordinary. The last thing he wants is Jim to feel discouraged or betrayed.

Yet Leonard finds he can't speak the truth either. Not even a simple "I know how you feel about him, kid, and I'll help you. I promise."

They end the meal with an awkward tension between them that clearly neither of them likes. Leonard decides then there is no best way to approach Spock. He just has to do it.

If, during the next work-shift, Spock is at all surprised to find the CMO hesitating in his office doorway, he does not show it. Instead he bids Leonard enter in a calm, collected and slightly curious manner.

Leonard fidgets just once under Spock's dark-eyed gaze before bursting out with "We gotta talk."

"I believe you are talking and I am responding, Dr. McCoy."

Any apprehension Leonard has melts into annoyance. "This isn't a time for your smart mouth, Spock! I have something important to say."

Something flashes through the Vulcan's eyes, an emotion of Spock's as elusive as his normally are.

For some reason, not knowing what Spock might be thinking encourages Leonard to relax. His expression clears a little and he continues. "I guess you've noticed I have been... around you more lately. Now, don't misunderstand that," the man adds quickly, "because I have a legitimate reason!"

Spock is poised, not tensely, just naturally still. "And the reason is?"

"Jim," Leonard answers.

The Vulcan blinks. "The Captain?"

"Indubitably. In case you haven't noticed, Jim's taken a liking to you. A real _strong_ liking," Leonard stresses. "Since I'm his best friend, it's my job to make sure you don't botch that up."

Spock doesn't just blink this time. Both his eyebrows move towards his hairline.

Leonard steps closer to the desk separating them and leans forward. "Also, as the best friend, I'm entitled to give you a friendly warning." He pauses, holding Spock's gaze. "Don't break his heart. _Ever._"

Feeling satisfied that his message has been successfully delivered, Leonard pulls back and waits patiently for a reply.

Which Spock does give by steepling his fingers a moment later as he mutters, "Most interesting."

Leonard, having expected a different reaction, folds his arms across his chest. "Okay, I'll bite. What's so interesting?"

"Why do you assume I am unaware of the Captain's affection?"

Leonard opens and closes his mouth.

"I have known of it for some time," Spock goes on to say, "as I also know that his affection is not merely aimed at myself. Jim is attracted to you also, Leonard. More importantly, he has yet to settle his conflicting interests. Because of this, it seemed prudent to delay any action." Spock levels an unreadable stare at him. "Is it truly your wish for me to pursue Jim with no regard for your feelings or his?"

Leonard decides it isn't the floor which is unsteady, just him. He seeks out a chair and sits down. "Give me a second here," he says to Spock when Spock starts to speak again. "I'm still processing the fact that you aren't an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand."

One of Spock's eyebrows twitch. "I am a Vulcan."

"That's what I said."

Spock stares at him for a few seconds longer, then turns away to face his computer console. He goes back to whatever work he had been involved in before Leonard's unscheduled arrival.

Leonard takes the time to center himself and gather his thoughts. He thinks Spock is mistaken about a few things, but unfortunately he is not mistaken about the part where he implied he knows Leonard is in love with Jim. How in the hell had Spock figured that out?

Leonard has the sudden frightening thought that he is obvious about it.

Oh god, who else knows?

"If you intend to panic, please do so elsewhere."

Because the statement is so matter-of-fact, it succeeds in snapping Leonard out of his (yes, admittedly panicky) thoughts.

"Spock, you, you—!" he starts, his voice rising.

Spock ceases to type and faces his visitor.

"Oh, never mind," Leonard grumps. "One of these days I'll think of a good term for you."

"Jim has referred to me as 'Pointy' on occasion."

"Well, I won't deny that you can be a pointy-eared bastard but I'll come up with my own insult, thanks."

Spock folds his hands on the table. If Leonard didn't know better, he would think the quirk of Spock's eyebrow means he is looking forward to the kind of slur Leonard comes up with.

Weird, Leonard surmises, and places that thought aside.

"Are you ready to discuss the matter?" the Vulcan inquires in a polite tone.

"There's not much to discuss. The reason I'm here still stands."

"I see."

"I hope you do, Spock," says Leonard. "It's not the easiest thing, telling you to take a chance with Jim."

"I find it unsurprising that you place more importance upon Jim's feelings than your own."

"...Thank you?"

Spock's head tilts ever-so-slightly. "I was not complimenting you, Leonard."

"Okay, that," Leonard says sharply, pointing his index finger at Spock. "_Leonard._ Jim. What happened to Dr. McCoy and Captain Kirk?"

"This is a personal conversation. Therefore I am using your given name. Does it make you uncomfortable when I call you Leonard?"

"Sort of. Just..." Leonard flexes his hands on the arms of the chair. "Keep it private. I don't know why, but it will be very distracting if you start addressing me that way in the corridors. In fact, it will probably distract a lot of people."

Spock inclines his head in agreement.

Leonard feels the need to clear his throat and does so. "...Well, then. Are you going to keep Jim waiting or what?"

"I will think on it."

Why isn't it an easy yes or no? "If you have reservations, you can tell me. I could help."

"I would not say I have reservations, simply options which I must consider. Forgive me for saying so, but I do not believe you are ready to hear them yet."

Knowing this is the best concession he will receive from Spock, Leonard nods his understanding and stands up.

"Leonard," Spock calls to the doctor as he reaches the door, "if you truly intend for Jim to find happiness, I would suggest you do not exclude yourself as a potential partner for him."

Leonard frowns, trying to sort through the layers of that message but unable to do so. He almost asks, _But how would that work?_ and instead settles for shaking his head. He raises his hand in goodbye. "See you later, Spock."

The Vulcan nods once and turns away.

* * *

**TBC**


	2. Part Two

Spock had surprised Leonard more than once by the end of their short conversation and given him plenty to think about. The problem is Leonard doesn't know which part to consider first. He settles for turning his attention to Jim in order to figure out how much of what the Vulcan claimed could be true.

Only Jim is more of a conundrum than ever, doing or saying nothing which is out of the ordinary to Leonard. He even seems to have forgotten about inquiring after Leonard's interest in Spock. It's as though the conversation and its awkward aftermath never happened. And worse yet, Jim is remarkably reserved whenever Leonard sees him in the company of Spock.

Leonard is left wondering who is the fool: him, for apparently being blind to things under his nose; Spock, for imagining what's not there; or Jim, for pretending he never liked anyone at all.

Leonard's introspection turns inward, then, and he finds himself being more honest with himself than he has been in the past.

There is a fear, he admits, and a hope that Jim could feel a semblance of what he does with regard to their relationship, despite that Leonard cannot imagine his best friend _longing_ for him—not in the way it's clear Jim needs Spock.

It's something stronger than a chance meeting and a shared responsibility binding those two together. Leonard isn't one to speak of destiny or fate, but there doesn't seem like another description for what he has seen happen. Jim and Spock had a rough time in the beginning, as if they were two puzzle pieces which should have fit but had been broken in ways that made their encounters more jarring than harmonious. One pushed and one pulled—but that's changed somehow. Time has helped Jim and Spock figure out what they have in common, and it has proven to everyone else that they are complementary enough to be a highly effective and enviable team. Where there is one name, there is always the other in conjunction.

Perhaps he should feel jealous of such a _destined_ partnership but Leonard knows he and Jim have never had or would have the same kind of dynamic.

In a way, as Jim continues to grow into his potential, the man needs him less. It makes sense to Leonard because he has always considered his presence as somewhat of a crutch for Jim. That Jim is finally finding stability within himself (and from his friendship with Spock) is not something Leonard can fault him for. In fact, at times he is very proud.

So what is it that Spock was talking about?

Leonard muses over it and decides if Jim is really interested in him beyond platonic friendship, this may be a way for them to connect again. The only downside is that it might ruin what they already have.

Leonard knows he fears that loss most of all.

* * *

Some days, Leonard doesn't have time to think, let alone contemplate the nuances of a potential love triangle between three senior officers. This is one of those days.

"JIMMM! I HATE THIS!"

"Shout that a little louder, Bones! I don't think the guys trying to kill us heard you!" Jim fires back, clearly not seeing the need for this kind of conversation while fleeing for his life.

Leonard, who is also in the process of fleeing for his life alongside his idiot Captain and said Captain's idiot Vulcan, speeds up with the intention of getting close enough to strangle Jim from behind. They're going to die anyway so he would rather have the satisfaction of killing Kirk himself.

Because Leonard's life is one big disaster made up of tiny little disasters, there is a root under a pile of leaves he cannot see and it's his fate to trip over it. He does so with a squawk to rival the birds in the trees and pitches face first towards the dirt. His nose is an inch from impact when he's unceremoniously yanked up and away by the back of his blue tunic.

"Oh, hey, thanks—"

"Doctor," Spock interrupts, short and terse, "do not thank me. Run."

The pointed shove, Leonard thinks, is entirely unnecessary. Up ahead, Jim has already slowed down, sensing they aren't directly on his heels. Much to Leonard's aggravation, the captain snaps out, "Spock! Carry him if you have to!"

Leonard bares his teeth in a snarl, both to indicate what he thinks of this idea and what will happen if Spock tries to pick him up.

Wisely, the Vulcan only tugs the doctor back into a sprint—which in a matter of seconds returns to a flat-footed run as a volley of arrows bury themselves into the tree trunks on their left and right.

"_I hate this_," Leonard goes back to emphasizing between wheezing breaths. "I'm a doctor, not a marathon runner!"

Spock's hand never leaves Leonard's arm.

* * *

The cave is dark, dank, and small—basically a glorified hole in Leonard's opinion. When Spock steers him towards the far wall and finally lets go of him, Leonard collapses into a heap, exhausted and sweaty and feeling very, very irritable.

"I don't think they followed us beyond the ridge," he hears Jim saying. "We should be okay here until sunrise."

"Wait, what?" Leonard voices his disbelief. "You want us to stay here _for the night?_"

Jim gives him a tired look. "Our shuttle sank in a swamp, and the ship's out of range for the next two solar days. We don't have much choice, Bones."

"Yeah, well, whose fault is it that the shuttle landed in the swamp?"

Jim's right hand flexes. "Crash-landing on solid ground could have killed us."

"But now we don't have a ship, Jim! Spock said these people were primitive enough that they'd consider outsiders as hostiles, but you had to come down anyway!"

"Gentlemen," Spock tries to intervene.

They ignore him.

"I made a decision in keeping with our mission, McCoy: to seek, to explore."

"Our mission," Leonard nearly yells, "is not to get killed in the backend of space if we can help it! You don't jump into a fire just because you've never tried it, kid!"

"Don't call me kid."

"Then don't act like one!"

Jim closes his mouth, eyes burning, and puts his back to Spock and McCoy. His silence covers an obvious effort to control an angry reaction.

Leonard inhales sharply and holds the breath, forcing himself to count down from ten. He hadn't meant to slap back at Jim in that way, which he will admit is over the line when they're in this kind of situation. He doesn't need to glance in Spock's direction to know the Vulcan disapproves of how he's letting his emotion control his mouth.

He adjusts the strap of his medkit and scoots back against the wall, catching Spock's attention and motioning for him to sit down. "Let me take a look at that arm."

Spock looks back to Jim, who moves out of the cave's mouth cautiously to observe their surroundings.

"Spock," Leonard says.

Spock comes, then, folding neatly into a cross-legged position. Leonard opens the medkit and removes his tricorder, which has miraculously survived the turbulence of their adventure thus far. It tells him the slice through the epidermis isn't deep, has in fact begun to clot, and there are no unidentified micro-organisms on the skin which would resist a standard antibacterial cleaning.

"Next time, don't just jump in front of an arrow to save someone, Spock. Get yourself out of the way too. Where would we be if it had done more than graze you?"

"You would be capable enough to handle the situation."

"Would I?" Leonard asks sharply, looking up from the gauze he is pressing against the wound to encourage the clotting. "These aren't ideal conditions. A surgery in the field could as easily kill you as it would save you."

"I believe you are trained for both."

"Yes," he agreed, "but if there's a choice, I want the comfort of knowing I have more than my own two hands and blind luck to save you."

"That is understandable," Spock replies, lowering his voice ever-so-slightly. "I imagine the Captain would feel as you do if placed in a similar position."

Leonard stares, the message of the Vulcan starkly clear.

_Well, damn_, he thinks, and aloud asks Spock to hold the gauze in place. Spock obliges him.

While winding an old-fashioned bandage around the Vulcan's arm, Leonard acknowledges, "I know he would, Spock—and I know that he did the best he could with what he was given." He sighs through his nose. "I shouldn't have lost my temper like that. Think he'll forgive me?"

"I know he would," a voice that isn't Spock's replies.

Leonard looks past Spock's shoulder to Jim, who is lingering at the threshold of the cave. Their eyes meet, and silent apologies are made.

Leonard secures the bandage and pats Spock on the back of his hand. To Jim, he says, "Maybe you shoulda hired him on as a psychologist instead of a scientist."

"Imagine that, Bones," Jim says, moving farther into the small cave. "Spock addressing all our human woes."

Leonard grins. "He'd be trying to scrape his brain clean within a week."

"Yeah, with a plastic spoon."

Leonard laughs, very tickled by the image in his head. He remembers his hand is still on Spock's only when the Vulcan jerks it back, for a moment looking greatly disturbed.

Eyes twinkling, Leonard asks him, "Why, Mr. Spock, see something frightenin'?"

Spock's face clears. He quips, "Only your mind, Doctor."

"Touché!" Jim declares, his cheerfulness having returned full force.

Leonard rolls his eyes. "Y'all realize we're in serious trouble, right?"

"When are we not, Bones?"

Leonard looks to Spock for another dry quip and, unexpectedly, has a moment of clarity: Spock's penchant for saying nothing is in fact whole-hearted agreement.

_Lord preserve me_, he concludes of the whole situation, _Vulcans are starting to make sense!_

* * *

Jim doesn't want them out in the open until closer to dusk when their pursuers are more likely to have given up their search. With nothing to do after patching Spock's arm and scrubbing at the dirt on Jim's face, Leonard leans his head back against the cave wall and closes his eyes. He has no intention of falling asleep. However knowing that his body, dropping low at the end of its adrenaline rush, might disagree, he warns Spock not to let him doze more than a few minutes at a time.

Spock says, "Of course, Dr. McCoy," never once ceasing to fiddle with the communicator in his hands.

More than two hours later when Leonard blinks bleary eyes at the sight of the sun barely hovering above the horizon, his first thought is to rid the galaxy of a lying Vulcan. His second thought is that his head is very comfortable against Spock's shoulder.

His eyes fly open, and he snaps up into a sitting position.

Catty-corner to them is Jim with his back to another wall, one knee drawn in towards his chest. At Leonard's knee-jerk reaction, Jim transfers his gaze from the pale pink sky to Leonard's startled face. For a long moment Jim's expression stays empty; then his trademark smirk touches half of his mouth, faint at first, but growing. "Hello, Sleeping Beauty. Looks like you didn't need a kiss after all."

Leonard clambers to his feet (and far away from Spock, yes, very far away) with the accusation, "You should've woken me! There's hardly any daylight left!"

"Calm down, Bones." Jim tilts his head in a very Vulcan-like manner. "Are you that anxious to get out of this cave?"

"Knowing I'm going be stuck in here with you two goobers all night, what do you think?" Leonard goes to the entrance, Jim climbing to his feet to follow him.

When Spock starts to rise as well, they both turn as one and order, "Stay!"

Spock sits down instantly. A second later he looks like he cannot believe that he so easily obeyed.

Leonard cuts off the argument before it can begin. "You're the injured party. You have to rest. Doctor's orders." He looks to Jim.

Jim nods, then tells Spock, "Captain's orders, too." When Spock's eyebrows draw together, Jim adds, "We'll be fine. We're not going far and we won't be long."

"Captain..."

"You have my word, Spock."

Spock closes his mouth. Jim steps in front of Leonard and motions for Leonard to follow him out. For a minute or so, Leonard trails after the man dumbly, watching Jim circle around several trees and begin to collect small twigs.

"_Jim_," Leonard hisses finally, having had enough of the silence.

Jim stops to look at him.

Leonard glances behind them to check that the distance to the cave is sufficient before focusing on Kirk again. "Are you mad, man? Why the hell did you let me fall asleep on Spock?"

There's an amused glint to Jim's otherwise composed stare. He bends down to retrieve a stick to add to his bundle, then straightens. "You looked comfortable. Why would I have bothered you?"

Leonard has several comebacks for that, most of which are extremely insulting, but they all try to come out at once and he ends up sputtering.

"It's okay if you're embarrassed, Bones. I'm sure Spock thought it was logical that you needed his shoulder to drool on."

Since speech has failed him, Leonard does the next best thing: he socks the man in the arm, hard.

"Hey, ow!" cries his captain, dancing back a few steps.

"Now you listen to me, you cotton-brained lunatic! If word of this gets out to anyone—_anyone_—I will stick you with so many hypos you'll think you're a porcupine! ...And I did not drool!" he adds hotly before spinning on his heel to stalk off in a direction very far away from the person he wants to strangle with his bare hands.

"Bones," Jim calls after him, "use your tricorder to see if you can find something edible!"

There is a moment in which Leonard really doesn't try too hard to restrain himself from making a rude gesture.

And, ah crap, now Jim will probably tattle on him to Spock for being undignified. Leonard flushes, realizing he couldn't be more embarrassed.

Damn Jim for being right!

* * *

"Where is Dr. McCoy?"

_Taking his ire out on an unsuspecting planet._ It's best not to say that to Spock, ever the champion of all walks of life, so Jim just smiles and shrugs. "I think he had to answer a call from nature."

Spock doesn't question the matter further, which thankfully means that is one human idiom Jim will not have to explain.

"I brought us firewood," he tells the Vulcan, moving forward to drop his bundle by the entrance to their cave.

Spock considers the twigs with something akin to skepticism. "We can use a phaser to warm a small group of rocks."

"I have some skill at this, Spock. I won't start a brush fire." Jim squats down and starts stacking the dry wood into a small teepee shape, adding some undergrowth he had also gathered as kindling in the hollow underneath. "I used to camp all the time as a kid."

"Under the supervision of an adult, I presume."

Jim lifts one corner of his mouth but doesn't look up. "Sometimes." He feels Spock studying the back of his head.

"We are not camping, Captain."

"Nope."

Spock is silent for no more than three seconds. "Is there a reason you are showing no concern for our situation?"

"Why should I be concerned?" Jim asks, standing up. "I'm with you."

As he expects, the Vulcan blinks stoically at him.

"And Bones," adds Jim, watching for a different reaction.

Spock steps from the overhang around the cave's mouth into the fading sunlight. "This is unfamiliar terrain. The Doctor may become lost."

Jim nods. "Then retrieve him, Mr. Spock."

Spock accepts the formality with "Yes, Captain" and walks away.

Jim doesn't watch him go. He stares into the emptiness where Spock had been, arms loose at his sides. Then, having made a decision, he knocks the makings of the fire over with his boot and enters the cave alone.

* * *

He might have seen this clump of trees before in a very similar clearing, and that pisses Leonard off.

"This is _your_ fault," he snarls at a bush with purple-tipped leaves and sweet-smelling flowers. "Why are you confusing me! I swear to god I didn't sign up for this! I'm a doctor, not a boy scout trooper!"

If Jim could see him now...

Leonard's eye twitches at the thought of Kirk. "That kid is gonna be the death of me. Can you believe he just, just...?" Leonard couldn't get the words out. He kicks at the ground in frustration. "I'll hog-tie him! I'll hog-tie him and throw him on top of Spock, and THEN we'll see who thinks it's funny! Stupid kid with his stupid hair and his stupid blue eyes and his stupid 'Bones' this and 'Bones' that-"

A branch snaps too loudly, as if it had been intentionally trod upon. Leonard stops ranting and spins around to find Spock behind him, at the edge of the clearing.

"How'd you find me?"

"It was not difficult, Dr. McCoy," Spock replies, moving towards him. "I merely followed the sounds of dramatic dialogue." He looks to Leonard's left. "I assume the shrubbery has not been a very adept conversationalist. May I inquire why you were yelling at it?"

Oh, the smart-mouthed bastard.

"_No_," Leonard replies, the single word clipped, and stomps past the Vulcan.

Spock clasps his hands behind his back and pivots around, tracking Leonard with his dark eyes.

"Well," demands the doctor once he realizes his companion is not following him, "aren't you coming?"

"Why are you out here alone?"

Pressing his mouth flat, Leonard vacillates over his answer. "Who wants to know?"

Spock raises an eyebrow.

"I mean, who's asking?" he clarifies. "The First Officer or the..." Hell, what was Spock to him? "...or just you?" he finishes somewhat lamely.

Damn.

"Never mind," he blurts out before Spock can reply and turns away. "I'm out here because Jim was teasing me about the wrong thing, and my options were to rant at a bush or punch him in the face."

"The assault of a fellow officer is not condoned by Starfleet."

Leonard drops his head forward. "I know."

"However," Spock then remarks, standing much closer to Leonard's back than he had been a moment ago, "I can say I understand the sentiment all too well."

Leonard's mouth twitches at a memory. "Yeah. Remind me never to piss you off that badly."

"...Leonard."

He turns his head and meets Spock's gaze, finding an openness there he is not accustomed to seeing.

"It is not the First Officer who is concerned."

Leonard's temper dissipates. "It wasn't much of a fight," he tells Spock honestly. "I was just... embarrassed."

Spock nods and fixes his stare at the line of trees in front of them, saying, "What is there to feel embarrassed about."

It takes Leonard a couple of seconds to realize that isn't a question.

Spock starts to head back the way he came with the clear expectation that Leonard will follow him. Leonard does, catching up to match the Vulcan's stride so that they are walking side by side.

* * *

**Well, I'm no good with ending this here. There will be two more parts.**


	3. Part Three

Jim has a problem. Well, to be honest, he has _two_ problems: the first one being that he has let himself pine after two close friends whom clearly he can never have; and the second one quickly turning into the crux of the matter—that it's his responsibility to help those friends find happiness with each other. They're _good_ together, Bones and Spock, and Jim is, Jim is...

Jim is a little heartbroken and more than a little jealous.

He's also an asshole, he has come to the conclusion, because he knows deep down he isn't going to help them at all.

* * *

Leonard is more than pleased when they beam back to the Enterprise with minimal injuries and their—that is, his—sanity intact.

It had been an awkward night in the tiny cavern trying to keep close enough to Spock to provide extra body heat yet at the same time maintain a professional distance. Then there was Jim to consider, who had made himself a little nest in the farthest corner (not that that was far at all) and refused to contribute his share of the body heat for Spock's well-being. Leonard had felt a chasm between them yawn wide and even now is at a loss to understand why it existed.

Or perhaps he should say 'exists', as trying to catch up to Jim in the corridor is proving that chasm has not gone away over the course of several days.

"Jim!" he cries, finally breaking into a slow jog to reach his friend.

At last, Kirk stills and waits for him.

Leonard reads reluctance in Jim's body language and feels more confused.

"What is it, Bones?" his captain wants to know when Leonard fails to say something right away.

"We're... we're still on for dinner tonight?"

Something passes through those blue eyes fixed on him, too quickly to be interpreted. "No," Jim says slowly, "I'm sorry... I have plans."

"Oh." Leonard doesn't bother to hide his disappointment. "Some other time then."

Jim nods and turns away, but oddly turns right back to suggest, "Why don't you ask Spock?"

_He's not you,_ Leonard thinks. Instead he goes with "I might."

Jim nods again, tossing a "Good" over his shoulder as he walks away.

What, Leonard has to wonder, has changed?

* * *

"Do you think he's playin' hard to get?"

The person to whom the question has been addressed glances up from the device in his hands, blinking. "Doctor?"

"Geez, Spock, can you take your nose outta that report for half a second while I'm talking?"

Not waiting for a response, Leonard steals the PADD, sticks it under his arm and backs up two steps from the desk.

Spock looks at the man in dismay. "Your actions are highly inappropriate."

"And childish," Leonard adds. "Want to make something of it?"

Spock forces a little more air through his nose than is necessary and settles for folding his hands in his lap. "No, I do not believe Jim is attempting to 'play hard to get'."

"So what's he doing then? Ignoring us for the sake of actually _ignoring us?_"

The Vulcan lifts one eyebrow. "That would seem to be the case."

Leonard takes the PADD out from under his arm and waves it around, exclaiming, "Of all the idiotic—why would he do that! I thought he liked us!"

Spock's eyes track the wild flailing of Leonard's arm. "Doctor, would you please return that to me before—"

Leonard vehemently stabs the air with the PADD. "Spock, you said Jim was _interested_. Well, guess what? HE'S NOT."

"Doctor."

"So what the hell did I just spend this past week doing? My god," the doctor says, swinging the PADD around, "I thought I had a chance! I thought maybe it wasn't so pointless after all to be in love with my best friend, and..." He trails off and drops his arms back to his sides, shoulders curving downward. "Damn you, Spock," he finishes without any real heat. "Why'd you have to be wrong?"

"Leonard, if you will, come here."

Leonard gives the Vulcan a considering look before closing part of the distance between them. "Why?" he wants to know, unable to determine exactly what Spock is up to. Because Spock doesn't stop staring at him in that unnerving way of his, Leonard finally obeys.

The Vulcan captures his wrist and extricates the PADD, then sets it aside. To Leonard's surprise, Spock does not let go of him afterwards, merely adjusts his grip and tugs lightly. Without thinking, Leonard sits down on the edge of the desk.

Spock releases him then, returning both hands to his lap. "Leonard, I understand your concern. I also understand your fear. Rest assured, there is no need to feel either. Jim is avoiding you for the explicit reason that he cannot determine how to approach you. Therefore, you must approach him."

Leonard opens his mouth, then closes it and frowns. "This is backwards, Spock. I came here to tell you to go after him. To not let him ignore you."

"I thank you for that advice, however unnecessary it may be."

Leonard leans forward. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Spock tilts his head ever-so-slightly. "It means I have no intention of being ignored—and that you must go first."

"_I must..._" Leonard stops mid-echo and sits back again. "Okay, you green-blooded... green-blooded... never mind! You're up to something, aren't you? No, don't look at me like that. I can smell Vulcan sneakiness from a mile away!"

"Doctor, that statement is illogical."

"You're illogical!"

"And you are attractive when you are petty."

Leonard nearly falls off the desk.

Spock watches the man fumble back into an upright position. "Did you injure yourself?"

"Are you out of your Vulcan mind?" Leonard sputters, his face hot, as he backs toward the door.

Spock picks up the PADD which he had recovered. "I believe I have shown my hand. Now it is time that you made yours known to Jim." Tapping the screen to activate it, his gaze drops to the device. "Thank you for the visit, Dr. McCoy."

Leonard doesn't need to hear the dismissal twice. He hurries from Science as quickly as his legs will carry him, knocking clumsily into a lab technician on his way out.

The technician enters the Science Officer's office, wondering, "Was that Dr. McCoy? He seemed like he was in a hurry."

"Yes. He has happened upon a discovery which he did not expect and is now preoccupied by it."

"Ah," murmurs the tech. "That's the best part about working in space, isn't it, sir? The unexpected."

Spock transfers his gaze from the report to the human, agreeing solemnly, "Indeed it is."

* * *

Leonard decides later on that Spock is a little chickenshit. In fact, he is muttering such when his head nurse calls his name for the third time and finally manages to catch his attention.

"I don't want to know what he's done," she says while taking the medical equipment from Leonard's hands which he is currently abusing.

"Nobody's done anything!" Leonard snaps.

"Clearly," Chapel replies, her tone dry. "Next time you see Nobody, could you tell him that your staff asks him not to wind you up before your scheduled appointments? We just had two of them cancel because they happened to see you loading the hyposprays like plasma rifles and it scared the shit out of them." She shakes her head in mock sadness. "We may never get those two back!"

"_Infants_," Leonard mutters under his breath, and finally gives up his anger. "All right, I'm sorry. I'll do better. Send me someone who hasn't cancelled."

Christine retrieves a small clipboard from her belt and scrolls through its contents. "That would be the Captain in one hour." Looking at her boss through her eyelashes, she adds, "Although he usually has his yeoman reschedule right before he's due in."

Leonard's eyes narrow. "See to it that he arrives on time, Chapel."

The nurse grins, unrepentant, and trots away with "Aye, sir!"

* * *

The voice precedes the person. "_...Let's make this quick, Dr.—_"

Jim turns the corner of the small, private exam room and stops short, his "_M'Benga_" dying to silence.

Leonard McCoy smiles at him from across an examination table.

Jim takes a step in retreat, only to hear the door hiss shut behind him. There is no point in checking to see if it's locked; he would bet his last credit that it is.

"Bones," he greets, wary. "Where's M'Benga?"

"Who now?" drawls the other man.

"M'Benga," Jim insists. "I was told you weren't available today, so—"

"So," Leonard finishes for him, "you decided there was an advantage in actually keeping your appointment because I wouldn't be here. Me, the man who is your _primary_ physician." The doctor rubs at his jaw. "Did I get that right?"

Oh crap. "Bones..."

Leonard looks away, at the tricorder in his hand, and says, "Shirt off, Captain."

Jim has a moment to panic, which is ridiculous because he never panics, not even at the hands of the enemy.

But then again, Bones isn't his enemy. He's everything that's right in Jim's life. Somehow, that makes Jim feel justified in his reaction.

The doctor flicks his gaze back to Kirk. "What're you standing there for? Shirt off, and get on the table."

"You know, Doctor, I just remembered that I can't be here," Jim improvises. "Command needs a briefing on—"

"Jim," Leonard interrupts, coming around the table, "if you keep stalling, I'm gonna get suspicious, and the more suspicious I get, the longer you'll be here."

Jim presses his mouth into a line and concedes defeat by tugging the hem of his shirt over his head. He goes to the table with Leonard on his heels waving a tricorder after him.

"You know how this works," the doctor tells him. "General physical first, stress test second."

Jim has no doubt the stress test will have interesting results. He clamps his hands to the edge of the table as he sits down. When McCoy starts into a typical round of questions (any unusual symptoms or feelings of not being well? regular bowel movements?), Jim answers as shortly as possible, hoping to speed the process along.

"No problems with your digestive tract, good to know. Have you had any trouble sleeping?"

_I haven't slept in three days._ "No."

Leonard eyes him. "You sure?"

"If I can't sleep, I take one of the pills you gave me."

The doctor jots something down. "How many times have you used the sleeping prescription in the last month?"

"Once."

The lie is obvious to Jim's ears but Leonard makes no comment on it and moves on with the questioning.

"Hm, your blood pressure is a little higher than normal."

"I don't know why," Jim interjects.

"Okay..." Leonard gives him a strange look. "What was the last thing you had to eat?"

Drink, actually, and that was some of Scotty's hooch. He offers Bones a thin smile. "Salad, of course, as prescribed by my dietician."

"Of course," Jim's dietician echoes, amusement softening his countenance. "I assume the replicator records will agree."

They might say donuts. Lots of donuts. Jim had had a craving for them. "I know they will," he replies, silently adding _after I change them._

"Uh-huh," agrees the doctor, again jotting something down. "How often are you exercising?"

"Once a day."

"What kind of exercise?"

"Running, weights, Grav-sims if I can find a partner."

"Can you think of any reason you should not perform a stress test at this time?"

"No," Jim answers, staring at a spot on the wall over McCoy's shoulder.

"Have you been injured on or off-duty in the last week?"

"No."

"Would you be willing to date Spock?"

"Ye—w-what?" Jim stutters, his brain catching up a moment too late.

Leonard makes a humming noise under his breath and writes another note.

"Bones!"

"We should start the stress test now, Captain."

Jim finds himself gritting his teeth as Leonard motions for him to slide off the table. "Bones," he tries again.

Leonard pauses to cock his head and consider Jim. "Yes, sir?"

Jim's eyes drop down to the PADD. "What kind of question was that?"

"Which one?"

"The obviously not medical-related one!"

Leonard purses his mouth, as if in thought. "Why, I'm pretty sure they were all within my right to ask as a doctor. Now quit fussin', kid. I've got appointments lined up."

Leonard tries to budge Jim with a poke of his stylus but Jim stays planted in the same spot, hands flexing as his gaze switches from the PADD to Leonard's face and back again. He can think of only one reason Bones would ask him that question.

And it's not a reason he wanted to face... yet here he is.

When the doctor goes to prod him again, Jim takes the stylus from him and tosses it on the table at his back. "Bones," he says, leveling his gaze at his doctor, "I'm not with my First Officer."

"Any fool knows that, Jim. What's your point?"

"My point?" he repeats, incredulous. "You just asked me if I was dating Spock!"

"No I didn't. I asked if you'd be willing."

Jim denies, "Of course not!"

Leonard makes another note.

He can't stand it. He simply can't. Jim leaps for the damned PADD, missing it by a hair's breadth as Leonard twists to the side. Jim immediately re-groups, always quick on his feet, but the doctor is quicker, it seems, as he scurries out of the room. Jim goes after him with a bellow of "Bones! BONES!"

Leonard is proving to be wilier than Jim ever imagined an irascible doctor could be. The man ducks behind staff and slips around carts with practiced ease. Jim barrels into them instead, sending an organized med bay into chaos. Someone wants to know, as the ship's captain careens left, "What's going on?"

Someone else replies, "Stress test!"

That brings Jim up short. He glances around, realizes his crew is looking back (some of them appearing long-suffering; others, very interested), and recollects that he is bare-chested.

"Here you are, Captain," a petite brunette with twinkling eyes says as she offers him his missing gold tunic.

He thanks her. Once his head has cleared the fabric, he demands of his audience, "Where's McCoy?"

"His next appointment," replies Geoffrey M'Benga, who enters the area with a quick stride, retrieving a chart from a nurse as he passes by. "Follow me, sir. Leonard has requested that I complete your physical so he can remain on schedule today."

Jim stares at him. "Since when?"

"When? Well, he messaged me a few minutes ago." Geoff, clearly not understanding why Jim starts cursing under his breath, calls his name with growing unease. "Captain? Captain?"

Jim closes his eyes just briefly, opening them again once his dismay is properly contained. "Never mind. I am fine. This is fine." He turns back for the part of Sickbay made up of exam rooms. "Let's put this to bed, M'Benga."

He leads the way, the Assistant CMO trailing behind.

Bones was challenging him, he decides—and Jim Kirk hasn't ever refused a challenge!

* * *

_To: Cmdr. S'chn T'gai Spock_  
_From: Lt. Cmdr. Leonard H. McCoy_

_Confirmed interest of James T. Kirk in humanoid, pain-in-the-ass species known as Vulcans._

_Go get 'im, Spock!_

* * *

The First Officer of the starship Enterprise opens the intra-departmental communication, reads it once, and does something very human:

He sighs.

He knows now that he should not have anticipated anything other than a less-than-satisfactory outcome, ironically the kind which often results from leaving the solution of an emotional impasse in the hands of an overly emotional human. It had seemed prudent to allow Dr. McCoy time to conclude logically on their situation. Instead Leonard has done nothing except continue on his stubborn way at cost to himself, and frankly Spock can stand it no more.

His mother told him once that there comes a time when one must take those who are erring in hand whether they wish it or not. Only by firm guidance can they be taught to do better.

Clearly these humans are in error. Moreover, they are about to veer onto a path which Spock believes will suit the three of them ill and hinder their ability to achieve a proper resolution.

Yes, now is the time to act.

He opens a new communication and does so with a simple invitation which neither Leonard McCoy nor Jim Kirk will have a valid reason to decline.


	4. Part Four

There is no surprise at all when the humans Leonard McCoy and Jim Kirk arrive at the same door at the same time and confront one another.

Jim, visibly trying to control his temper, says in a terse voice, "Did you get it?"

"Wish I hadn't," replies Leonard. "What do we do?"

Jim turns to face the door and, saying nothing else, keys a passcode to admit them into the First Officer's quarters.

The air is cool inside the cabin, Leonard discovers. Cool enough that Spock had either known they would come right away or had been tracking their movements throughout the ship.

The Vulcan in question is waiting for them at a small round table commonly found in most senior officers' quarters.

"Gentlemen," they are greeted. "Would you like to have a seat?"

_Why are you sitting?_ Leonard wants to know. He's rarely seen Spock stay seated during a confrontation.

Then maybe, just maybe, Spock truly _does_ want to leave them.

That thought spurs Leonard to demand, "What's this about, Spock?"

Spock raises an eyebrow. "Doctor? Did you not read my missive?"

"We read it," Jim answers in Leonard's stead. "Is this some kind of joke, Commander?"

"I assure you, sir, Vulcans do not tell jokes."

Jim breathes deeply, clenching a hand into a fist before abruptly letting his fingers relax. "I need reasons, Mr. Spock. And they had better be good reasons."

"Very well. It has become evident that we cannot function properly as a command team."

Leonard is startled to hear that.

"Captain, I believe that you are attempting to separate our work relations from our personal relations. Though I do not know why, that is your choice to make and I will not gainsay it. However, should one aspect of our relationship suffer, so will the other. My request for transfer is pre-emptive, I admit, but based on the assessment that we place this ship and her crew at risk when we are at odds. You must work with someone you can comfortably relate to, Jim."

Next to Leonard, Jim swallows. "That's... understandable."

Not to Leonard. "Wait a minute! Spock, I heard what you just said, but it makes no _sense_."

"Bones."

"You can't just leave because Jim's being an idiot!"

"_Bones._"

"No, I was copied on that form too. I won't be quiet. And if there's ever a time when Spock's logic is riddled with holes..."

"It's _fine_, Dr. McCoy," Jim insists mulishly in his Captain's voice. He says to Spock, "If you want to transfer off-ship, then I acc—_mmphhfffff!_"

Leonard, having slapped a hand over Jim's mouth, puts the fool into a headlock to contain him and offers apologetically to the Vulcan across the room, "Don't mind my stupider half, Spock, you know how he gets when he's upset."

Jim stomps his feet and pries at the hand over his mouth but to no avail. The doctor tightens the headlock just enough that the sounds of outrage turn into muffled squawks.

"What he means to say," Leonard goes on to explain, "is this ship can't function without you. We'll do whatever it takes to change your mind."

Spock leans back in his chair and steeples his fingers. "I see. I am amendable to a persuasive argument." He lifts his eyebrows slightly. "Perhaps you should release the Captain now. He appears to be turning an unnatural color."

Leonard lets go of Jim immediately. Jim staggers to the side, gasping and spitting. With a roll of his eyes, Leonard sidles up to the man and smacks him on the back several times to encourage him to breathe.

"S-S-SONOFABITCH!" sputters Kirk.

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen."

Jim twists his head to the side to glare at his friend. "You want to talk about dramatic... what the fuck was that!"

"I was stopping you from making a big mistake!"

"It's not a mistake if Spock wants out!"

"He doesn't want to leave, you gizzard-brain! He wants us to figure out our shit!"

Spock pauses in watching the exchange to add, "That would be correct, although I am not certain how a vulgar turn of phrase best expresses the sentiment."

Leonard huffs exasperatedly in the Vulcan's direction. "Spock, would you please hold off with the Peanut Gallery while I'm fighting with my captain?"

"If that's the way we're handling this," Jim says, straightening up, "then as your captain I order you to stand down." He rubs at his collarbone. "Also, I'm demoting you to janitorial duty for violence against my person."

"Shut it, kid. Right now you have about as much authority as my boot—which, might I add, is about to become a permanent part of your ass! Are you out of your mind? It's one thing to ignore us, but it's another to tell us to get the hell off your ship!"

"I never said that!"

Leonard steps toward Kirk. "You were close to it, Jim."

Jim closes his mouth against whatever else he might have said.

Leonard looks Jim over, questioning, "Is that what you really want? To let Spock walk away from this?"

"You don't understand."

"Oh, I do. I really do. I understand that you're willing to take the coward's way out to save yourself from facing your feelings."

Jim jerks forward, as if to physically obliterate those words. Spock catches himself in the act of rising from his chair and, after a heartbeat or two, obviously forces himself to sit down again.

When Leonard doesn't express regret for what he said, Jim's mouth thins into an unhappy line. "You're wrong, I'm not afraid."

"Then what's going on?" Leonard asks him. "Is it that horrible to like somebody?"

"Bones."

"Don't 'Bones' me. We're past the point of no return here! I want the truth—and clearly you owe it to Spock too, since he's mixed up enough that he thinks he has to transfer off the ship in order to placate you."

Jim takes a step back and turns slightly in Spock's direction. For a long moment, the two men simply stare at one another.

"Do I even need to tell you, Spock?" Jim remarks at last. "You are usually more perceptive than we give you credit for, so I don't doubt that you've noticed what's happening here. The question is... does Bones know?"

Leonard blinks. "Know what?"

"I have alluded to it on multiple occasions."

Jim shakes his head. "That's not good enough, Spock. You have to—here, I'll show you." He returns to McCoy and places his hands on either side of Leonard's neck, then meets his eyes. "Bones..."

Leonard is a little too distracted by the warmth of Jim's hands to reply.

"Bones," Jim says his name again, "Spock likes you."

"Spock likes... _say what?_"

For a fleeting instant, there's a measure of the old Jim in Leonard's friend's eyes. His voice is fond when he asks mildly, "Surprised?"

Leonard removes Jim's hands and holds them up between them. Then he twists around to look at Spock. "Is he serious?"

"Whether he is serious or not is irrelevant, Leonard. Jim speaks the truth."

"But, I don't... Wait." Leonard suddenly tosses Jim's hands back at Jim and turns to fully face the Vulcan. "You didn't say anything, you stupid hobgoblin! I just spent _weeks_ bemoaning fate and going on and on about Jim, and you—"

Jim shuffles forward with "What about me?"

"—let me do _that_ when you're _in love_ with me? My god, man, are you some kind of masochist!"

"Whoa, what about me, Bones?"

"Hush, Jim," Leonard hisses, "you'll get your turn! Well, Spock?"

Spock considers the seething human in silence for some seconds before standing up and clasping his hands behind his back. "Leonard, why do you believe you have the right to question my actions when—"

Kirk's eyes widen in warning.

"—your actions are the same? That is very hypocritical of you."

Leonard hears only distantly the air leaving Jim's lungs in a whoosh because there is a loud buzzing in his ears. Or maybe that's the sound of him imitating a boiling tea kettle. Someone grabs his arms to stall his forward momentum.

_That, that—_ "—POINTY-EARED—!"

"Bones, hey, let's not do something rash."

"—SMART-MOUTHED—!"

Leonard tries to shake Jim off and, when he can't, starts in Spock's direction anyway. Jim swings in front of him and attempts to dig in his heels. Leonard feels no remorse in plowing over the man.

"SPOCK!" the name bursts out of him. "_I'll show you who's a hypocrite!_"

Spock doesn't seem the least bit intimidated by the show of temper. In fact, the Vulcan closes the distance between them in order to stare Leonard down.

"Do not fault me for speaking the truth, Doctor. More than once I indicated a reasonable course of action, which you ignored. There was no madness in my suggestion, only logic. Knowing of your feelings, and his, I encouraged you to pursue him because there would be benefit to us both."

"How was I supposed to know that!"

"By trusting my judgment."

Leonard presses his lips together.

"Bones, I don't know much about what occurred between you two but it sounds like Spock had good intentions so ease up a little. And, Spock... I hate to say this, but humans don't always think like Vulcans."

"Obviously, Captain."

"Careful," Jim warns him. "I seem like a neutral party now. It might not be that way later."

Spock nods in acknowledgement of this fact. To Leonard, he says, "I do not want to argue with you over the past. I simply want you to focus on the present and, I hope, our future."

"Get to your point already, Spock."

"Do you consider me as a potential partner?"

Leonard is afraid that he flinched when Spock asked that question. He tries to be diplomatic. "I... don't like you that way."

Spock stares at him, the look in his eyes reflecting the rebuff _is that so?_

Leonard crosses his arms and says more firmly, "I really don't like you that way, Spock."

"Prove it to me."

As Spock raises his hand, Leonard moves back, his voice sharp and questioning. "What're you doing?"

"Your mouth may say one thing, yet your mind may know better. If you wish to convince me of the truth of your statement, then you must allow me access to that part of you which will not lie."

He gives Spock a fierce glare. "The last thing I'm going to do is let you rummage through my head!"

"Very well," the Vulcan concedes too easily and, before Leonard can figure out what else he's up to, Spock takes Leonard's hand and presses their palms and fingertips together.

Leonard feels something like a shock at the touch and flushes. "What're you doing?" he asks again.

"In this way I cannot read your thoughts but I can sense your emotions. Please repeat your prior statement."

Oh no. That's a trick, Leonard is sure of it! "I, uh," he starts to say, then falters. "Damn it, Spock. I really don't like you!"

"I see," murmurs the Vulcan. "However I will have to discard that sentiment as flimsy, as there is not a sufficient amount of negativity attached to it."

Leonard's face heats up. "Are you callin' me a liar?"

"Hm," Spock only says, tilting in his head in a way that means he is otherwise preoccupied.

Leonard takes a breath, then another. "Fine," he admits, "I might like you a little! But it's only affection, which is not love! It's brotherly affection."

Jim pipes up, "Like affection you have for annoying family members?"

"Shut up, you're not helping!"

Leonard thinks about removing his hand from Spock's. He knows he should, but there's that little thrill at the skin-against-skin and—_Oh, dear Lord_, he realizes. It isn't affection he is broadcasting. It's attraction!

Leonard has never been more embarrassed in his life. He jerks his hand back, clears his throat, and tries not to squeak too much when he insists, "Desire isn't love either!"

Spock regards him solemnly. "It is true that, being Vulcan, I am not driven to dwell on matters of the heart. But I am not inexperienced. May I share with you what I have learned from my past relationship with Nyota?"

Leonard nods.

"Love is not constituted by a singular emotion. It is a sum of feelings which define how you care for a person: affection, concern, attraction, appreciation, sometimes exasperation and even anger. Love is also not static. The nature of it can change. I agree that desire is not love. Can it lead to love? Not by itself. Leonard, ask yourself this: what is different between that which you feel for Jim and that which you currently feel for me? It does not sound as if the difference is negligible, but I would request that you consider if there is the potential for a positive change."

Leonard thinks this may be the first time he has truly been floored. Spock is asking him, in a very Vulcan way, if they could try. Has he ever been in a relationship which he didn't jump into based on the assumption he was madly in love? How would it work? Certainly he has learned to be cautious from his failures in the past, but this is agreeing to take on risk in a very different way. Spock's heart would be at stake more than his own.

He... almost wants to do it.

His eyes automatically seek Jim's.

Jim is slightly turned away, as if to give them a measure of privacy but also as if he can't quite remove himself from the conversation. Perhaps sensing that Leonard needs him, Jim glances his way. The smile he offers is supportive and a little self-deprecating.

"What about Jim?" Leonard finds himself saying.

"Ah, yes," Spock says, and turns toward their other companion. "Would you consider the possibility also?"

Jim blinks at Spock. "Huh?"

Spock locks his hands behind his back. "These are not separate offers, of course. If Leonard accepted and you did not, there would be no value in proceeding. If you accepted and Leonard did not, again there would be no value in proceeding."

"_What?_" Leonard does squeak this time. "You can't date us both!"

Spock transfers his gaze back to Leonard. "Would it not be satisfactory if the relationship included the man with whom you can admit you are in love?"

Leonard backs up, sputtering to have his long-held secret come from Spock's mouth, at the same time Jim comes forward. A hand closes on Leonard's arm.

"Bones," Jim says, tone suddenly urgent, "what's he talking about?"

_Goddamn it!_

And hell if Spock doesn't look smug!

Leonard pats Jim's hand in a poor attempt to seem unconcerned. "It's nothing really. Your Vulcan's confused."

"Apparently he's your Vulcan too!" Jim says somewhat sharply. "Never mind that. Are you really attracted—I mean," and here the man starts to sound flustered, "okay, so you might be attracted to me. I get that. I am Jim Kirk after all!" He laughs, and Leonard just looks at him like he's crazy.

"Jim."

Spock lends his voice to Leonard's. "Jim, please desist."

Jim quiets, his expression switching to unease.

"Jim," Leonard murmurs the name again, covering the hand on his arm without hesitation this time, "I think you're the one confusing us. I sort of, well, I sorta stirred this whole pot because I thought you had feelings for Spock."

"He does," confirms Spock.

How odd, that the more they talk, the more Jim subconsciously tries to shut them out.

Leonard presses on. "'N I get that we've muddied things up with Spock liking us both and me sorta liking him—"

"Why thank you, Leonard."

"Hush up, you pointy-eared nuisance! Don't interrupt me! ...But I honestly believe the two of you should not leave this room until you're, for lack of a better term, _together_."

Jim pins his gaze somewhere over Leonard's shoulder. "Why would you want me to take him from you, Bones? Do you think that I could?"

Leonard shakes the man's arm, frustrated. "Jimmy, it's what's best for you!"

"I can't," insists his friend. "There's no point anyway. It wouldn't help, when I—" He swallows hard and falls silent.

Spock unclasps his hands and reaches out to rest one of them on top of Leonard's, whose hand is still on Jim's. "Jim," he requests, voice understanding, "please allow me to finish your sentence."

Their eyes meet, Jim's wide and Spock's determined. Like always, they are having a conversation on a different level, one that doesn't need words because they simply know each other that well.

Leonard, with his hand trapped between theirs, cannot move away. Then again, there's this part of him that does not want to; what it wants more than anything is to join them.

"Okay," Jim whispers at last, the word so soft Leonard almost doesn't hear it. "Okay, Spock."

Spock turns his head to stare at Leonard. "It would not help when half of Jim's heart belongs to you. He would love me no less than he does now but he would still feel your absence."

"Oh," Leonard says. Then, "_Oh._" Then, as Jim's behavior finally makes complete sense, "Oh my god!" He looks to Jim, demanding, "Why didn't you just say that?"

"Like hell, Bones! At what point were you going to admit your feelings for _me?_"

"Clearly I was trying to figure out how I could possibly fall in love with an ignorant Dodo like you! I mean, it's already a full-time job being your friend and your physician. How the hell am I going to have the energy to be your lover?"

"Hey," argues Jim, "being with me is not a _chore_, Bones, it's a privilege!"

Leonard snorts.

"I would like to interject..."

"NO," the humans cut off the Vulcan.

Spock removes his hand, looks between them, then puts his back to them, returning to the table.

"Now look at what you've done, Jim! You've hurt his feelings!"

"That was all you, with the 'maybe I like you', 'maybe I don't' bullshit. That's cruel, Bones!"

"Well excuse me for having to think for a second, Mr. Fly-By-The-Seat-Of-My-Pants! Spock and I usually try to bite each other's heads off, not exchange love sonnets."

"You've been getting along for weeks now," Jim replies. "Everybody's noticed."

"Everybody," Leonard starts to repeat then stops, closing his mouth. He considers Jim for a second before asking, "Are you jealous?" Despite the way Jim rolls his eyes, Leonard presses, "You are, aren't you?"

"_No_."

"Liar."

Pivoting in a sudden motion, Leonard goes to the table and takes a seat beside Spock. Jim follows him somewhat reluctantly.

"Hey, Spock, let me ask you something."

Spock inclines his head toward Leonard as tacit permission to continue.

"Knowing that I might have kept Jim for myself, did you feel jealous?"

"Negative."

"Why not?"

"Bones."

"Why not?" Leonard urges Spock to answer, ignoring Jim.

"While it was possible, you are known to promote fairness among competitors. If you had chosen to let Jim know you desired him, you would have also urged him to acknowledge my desire as well."

"See," Leonard says, turning back to Jim, "he gets it. Fair play, Jim. Fighting for what you want is not wrong as long as you play fair. So why waste time on jealousy?"

"What can I say, Bones? I'm petty that way."

Sighing, Leonard reaches up and pulls Jim into the last chair. "I wish you would have talked to me about this, kid."

"What would you have told me?"

The question sounds sincere. Leonard leans back to think about it. "Well, I wouldn't have left it up to Spock to wrangle us together. Do you know how embarrassed I am? I'm the one with the degree in psychology!"

Jim smiles only a little but the smile is genuine. "Vulcans are awesome."

"Vulcans are _annoying_. Just look at his face. Obviously he thinks he has done good by yet again correcting some illogical humans."

"You have been acting quite illogically, Doctor."

"You can stop being smug any time now, _Mister_ Spock."

Jim slumps in his seat as if hearing their banter lifts a weight from his shoulders. His smile grows.

Leonard rallies himself (he really can get distracted by staring at Jim) and decides that there isn't any point in turning back now. "I'm just an old country doctor, so lemme see if I've got all these confusing revelations straight... Jim, you like Spock and you like me. Spock, you like Jim 'n me. I like Jim and..."

Under the table, Jim's foot knocks into his.

"...and I guess I'm gonna like Spock just as good, though don't hang your hat on that, you hobgoblin," he finishes.

"Are you fond of that insult, Doctor?" Spock wants to know.

Leonard frowns at him. "What d'you mean?"

"Twice you have referred to me as a 'hobgoblin'. Will this be the defining derogatory remark by which you now refer to me? You did mention that you wished to have one."

"Weird," Jim mutters, glancing between them. "Feels like I've heard that before." Then he says to Leonard, "Hobgoblin's a good one, Bones. I'd keep it."

"I don't need your advice on how to insult people, Jim."

"Spock seems to like it," Jim adds.

Leonard firms up his mouth, determined to say no more. These idiots keep mucking up his words!

"Leonard does not appear to be pleased."

"If you're going to date him, then you'll have to get used to that expression," Spock is told.

"Hey!"

"Understood," the Vulcan replies. "Should I seek your aid if he is behaving in an undesirable manner and I cannot placate him?"

"I promise I'll run interference—if, that is," hesitates the man, "you truly are okay with both of us?"

Spock murmurs, "Have I not made that clear?"

All-at-once, Jim fully relaxes and grins. "I can't believe this," he says, but in truth he sounds like he does finally believe it.

Leonard is relieved.

"Bones," his friend insists, "you have to be honest with me, because I can't handle another round of this tonight. Are you okay with this too?"

The decision, Leonard finds, is surprisingly easy: "Yeah."

"Excellent," declares Spock, once again steepling his fingers. "Now we can discuss sleeping arrangements."

Jim and Leonard can only stare at their calm-faced companion. Then Jim groans, and Leonard feels completely justified in fussing, "You sneaky-ass Vulcan—what else have you already planned out?"

"Dr. McCoy, surely you do not expect a Vulcan to engage in emotion-based relations without a detailed agenda." As one human starts to chuckle and the other sputters, Spock looks between them and blinks. "The list is available if either of you require a copy in advance."

Jim keeps chuckling until Leonard drags him out of his chair, at which point acting like dignified Starfleet officers is far beyond anyone's capacity. Then Leonard realizes once he has Jim pinned that as the newly minted boyfriend he has the right to kiss the man.

Somehow, he is not at all surprised when Jim kisses him first.

* * *

**Epilogue**

"Bones," Jim Kirk begins, dropping down to the edge of the bed beside Leonard McCoy who is putting on a boot, "do you know what Spock just said to his father?"

"Is that time already?"

"He said, '_My humans are well_' and thanked him for inquiring!"

Leonard huffs out a tolerant sigh and dons his second boot. "You realize he's the alpha in this relationship, don't you, Jim-boy?"

For a second, Jim looks like he might argue but inevitably gives in with a shake of his head. "At least I'm the charming one."

"Hey, I'm charming!"

"Yeah, as a rattlesnake. Do you know yesterday morning you almost bit me when I tried to get you out of bed?"

"Jim, by god, the last thing I want is to be up before the sun on my own damn shore leave."

"It was almost noon."

"Pfft," remarks McCoy, pushing off the bed.

Jim grabs the back of Leonard's shirt to keep him from going far. "Wait a second, we haven't talked about the—you know—'Plan'." He finger-quotes the word.

"Spock doesn't want a surprise."

"Spock will _love_ a surprise. After all, tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of him getting us all together. I know that because he marked it on his calendar, and then marked it on _my_ calendar—"

"And mine," Leonard adds, the corners of his mouth softening.

"So," Jim urges, "what are we going to do?"

Leonard looks around their shore leave cabin, at the various artifacts and some of their personal items. "What can we do that will matter?"

"That's not hard," his partner answers. "Make a memory."

"Yeah but how?"

Jim stares up at him for a long minute before slowly rising to his feet. He goes to the other side of the bed and digs around. When he returns, he offers Leonard a small box with a somewhat sheepish expression.

"Don't ask why I have this... just, take a look, and tell me what you think."

Leonard opens the box. At first he honestly doesn't know what to say. He touches a finger to one of the white-gold bands.

"Marriage rings," he finally asks, "or commitment rings?"

"Whichever." Jim gives Leonard a half-smile. "I'll take what I can get."

Snapping the box closed, Leonard places it back into Jim's hands. Their eyes lock Spock's voice filters in from another room, lending a gentle undercurrent to their silence.

Leonard leans in and kisses Jim on the mouth. When he pulls back, he remarks, "Ten credits says that Spock already has rings _plus_ a booked venue and a prepared guest list for the bonding ceremony."

"No deal, Bones." Jim grins at him. "I don't bet on a sure thing!"

Leonard flicks Jim on the forehead, calling him "Fool."

"Old man."

"Infant."

And the name-calling continues on.

**The End**


End file.
